Santa's Last Gift Page 12

  From Jackson’s perspective Baz had to look like a wet dream, with all that repressed something radiating from him. Matt sympathized with Jackson, but looks weren’t everything. Baz’s moodiness rivaled the roller coaster that had made him sick as a kid.

  Remembering his manners, he turned to Jackson. “Jackson, this is Steph’s brother, Sebastian.” He spun back toward Baz, whose eyes were focused on Jackson. “Baz, this is Jackson Kunstler. A friend who’s also a RISD grad student and is contributing to the silent auction.”

  Steph chimed in with her usual teasing. “He’s sort of Matt’s apprentice. You know, like in the days of Michelangelo.”

  Matt let out a barking laugh. “I am hardly Michelangelo, but thanks for the compliment.”

  Jackson took a step forward and put his hand out. Baz returned the shake, face neutral. When Baz said nothing, Jackson said genially, “Nice to meet you.”

  “You too.” The silence lingered till it started to feel loud.

  “Well, okay, then,” Jackson continued.

  Cheryl bounded out of the back, breaking the awkwardness as she gave Jackson a quick hug. “Are you heading out already?” she asked when she saw Jackson glance toward the door.

  Matt already knew Jackson was due to meet up with Cam and didn’t bother listening to his reply. His eyes strayed back to Baz, who looked back and forth at his mother and Jackson, still avoiding Matt. If he didn’t know better, he’d swear he looked scared. Nothing made any sense. What did Baz have to be scared about?

  Jackson called out a quick goodbye to Matt as he departed, and Matt knew he must have mumbled back but his gaze remained on Baz and the anxiety spilling from him.

  Cheryl stood between Matt and Baz while Stephanie rang up another customer. She smiled at each of them. “Seb brought us lunch.”

  “That was nice of him,” Matt replied. Baz was stone-still, like an animal about to bolt.

  “I didn’t expect to see Jackson till next week. He’s here earlier than usual.” Ma’s eyes crinkled. “It’s because of Cam, isn’t it?”

  Matt met her conspiratorial glint and couldn’t help the way his lips curved in a smile. “Yeah. Think so. Neither of them has confirmed anything. But Jackson’s staying with him.”

  During all of this Baz stared at the ground. Was he hoping it might dissolve into a magic staircase he could descend?

  Cheryl looked between them and frowned. “Seb, you okay, honey? You seem off. Did something happen to upset you?” She sighed. “I know your sister teases you. Did she go too far?” Exasperation flushed her face, communicating that she believed her daughter was way too old for that kind of nonsense.

  Before Baz could answer Matt interrupted because enough was enough. He had to know what was happening behind Baz’s nervous jaw tick. “Ma, I’m sorry to interrupt…. But could Sebastian and I have a minute?”

  Flustered, Cheryl looked around because it was her shop. Matt offered a rueful grin. “Baz, c’mon, please come take a walk with me?”

  Baz flustered. “The girls—”

  “The girls are busy coloring,” Cheryl said, squeezing Baz’s shoulder. “Go on, get some air. I’m sure it’ll be fine.”

  The trapped look in his shadowed eyes made Baz look like a raccoon caught in a floodlight. Having no choice, Baz tossed on his leather jacket and followed Matt out the front door.

  They turned left outside, in the direction of the Square. It was cold and Matt wrapped his long scarf in a second loop around his neck. Sucking in a deep breath of the icy air helped to solidify Matt’s resolve to get some answers. “Are you pissed at me? Did I do something wrong?”

  Baz stopped short and spread his palms open as his stance widened. “No. That’s not… no.” He exhaled as if someone punched the air out of him.

  Matt reached out and squeezed his shoulder. He hated that Baz still wasn’t looking at him. “Then what happened last night? I mean, you practically ran away.”

  “I didn’t—” At Matt’s raised brow, Baz caved. “I guess it seemed that way.” Baz stared at a spot beyond Matt’s shoulder.

  “Hey…. We… I was having a nice time until you ran out.”

  “I was too, until….” Unease shimmered in Baz’s eyes as they locked on Matt’s. The headiness of that stare was palpable, and fire licked Matt’s cheeks. Holding a hand out, he turned it palm up and hoped Baz would meet him halfway, but Baz didn’t touch him.

  The penetrating gaze remained. “Even back when we were kids, I wanted more from us than you did. And now… it’s even more complicated with my not staying. I get that it would be easy for you. A holiday fling or whatever. A quick hookup. But it’s not like that for me.”

  Surprised, Matt stepped backward, bumping into a passing woman obliviously gazing at her phone. He mumbled an apology after her. The respite was appreciated because Matt was torn between wanting to shout in frustration and fighting back the sting that Baz thought so little of Matt.

  People bustled by in the midday shopping rush, and Baz unconsciously retreated against the glass front of the antique store two doors down.

  “That’s why you ran off?” Matt wanted to stay calm but his trembling voice betrayed him. “I’m sorry things ended so abruptly between us when we were kids. But I can’t believe you think so little of me now. I’m not seventeen any longer and chasing after anything with a pulse. I thought… I guess I thought you’d realized that.”

  “I didn’t mean that. I wasn’t saying you slept around.”

  Matt swallowed and hugged his arms around himself. “What are you saying?”

  Baz stared at his boots as if they were the most fascinating things in the world. Stepping forward, Matt nudged Baz tighter against the shop window. He tipped Baz’s chin up until all Matt saw were sad blue eyes and a worried lower lip. The man in front of him was physically different from the shy teenager who flustered with every touch, but that unyielding concentration was the same.

  “I didn’t know it would feel like that, being with you again….”

  Matt took Baz’s hands in his. Neither of them were the same as ten years ago, yet something fundamental remained unchanged. In high school, Matt dealt with the pulsing thoughts that flooded him daily by moving from person to person like a bee seeking pollen. Later, he’d found release with his art. Yet some primal part of him knew these were all stopgaps.

  “It’s not just you. I don’t think it’s just physical. I feel things too,” he said, squeezing Baz’s hands. He didn’t know what else to say. He’d respect whatever Baz wanted but the thought of not touching him again was painful. “We’re both adults now. I enjoy spending time with you. Couldn’t we share this Christmas together? And after, well… I’m not going anywhere.”

  The wind picked up and Baz’s hair fluttered. That could have been why his cheeks reddened and his hand shuddered, still clutched in Matt’s. It took a moment before he spoke again.

  “I still don’t know… I mean, I’m only here through the New Year.”

  “I know that. Ma and Steph are so glad you came and, yeah, they will wish that this starts the beginning of more frequent visits.” Not just Ma and Steph.

  Baz blinked and quirked his lips in an expression teetering between uncertainty and helplessness. Matt guessed which side won when Baz tugged at Matt’s scarf, bringing the ends to his face to caress his cheek. His face softened as if a wand had been waved to compel his agreement. “Matty….”

  When nothing followed, Matt raised a brow. “Yeah?”

  Baz’s smile widened, teeth peeking out. “That boy with blue hair is dating ex-Marine Cameron?”

  His huff of surprised laughter was smothered by Baz’s lips grazing his own, so Matt simply nodded. Baz pressed their foreheads together. “Yes, let’s share Christmas.”

  Sebastian

  THE following day, Stephanie cornered Seb as soon as there was a lull in the shop. “What did you and Matt fight about?”

  She’d gone out after work the night before so he’d managed to pus
h off the inevitable “chat” with his sister. But his luck had run out. “We didn’t fight.”

  “Then why did you look like you hadn’t had a bowel movement in a year?”

  He snarled. “I did not look like that!”

  “I was afraid of this.” At his puzzled look, she added, “That it would come back. Those feelings from years ago.” She touched his arm across the counter, where they’d been standing side-by-side, Seb wrapping as she rang up sales.

  He looked around but Mom was in the back and the couple of browsing customers weren’t paying them any mind. “I can’t have any feelings.” Realizing how bleak his words sounded, he amended, “We’re friends.” He blushed but kept going. “With benefits.”

  Hands dropping to her hips, she turned to face him dead on. “Sebby. You were in love with him.”

  Denying was pointless as Steph had been there after all, had heard the original heart-eyes gushing and seen the eventual breakdown. There might even have been sobbing. But, in his defense, it was his first true romantic experience. “A long time ago.” A horrible thought hit. “Steph, you didn’t talk about that with Matt, did you?”

  She looked put out. “Of course not. I don’t talk about you much. Other than the usual complaints about not seeing you and how much Mom misses you. No, don’t look that way. I’m not saying that to guilt you.” A soft sigh escaped. “I know how hard you work for us. Saving the shop. The college savings accounts you established for the girls. The money you give Mom for her IRA. Getting me through the divorce. Do you think we don’t know all that?”

  Tension flickered beneath his skin. “That’s not work. It’s my responsibility as a son and brother.”

  “But not at the expense of your own happiness.”

  “I’m happy,” he protested. Well, he was content. And soon… maybe… he’d have the new job and be so busy it wouldn’t matter.

  “Seb, the shop is doing really well now. Don’t get me wrong—we needed the help a few years ago. But the economy is turning around and I’ve gotten better at promoting us through social media.” She twirled her hair and paused to think. “Working at what you love is important, and the shop means the world to Mom and me. And I know you enjoy your work, and you’re good at it. But Seb, me and Mom have more. There’s the girls and we’ve both been going on dates here and there. Take the time for more for yourself now too.”

  Seb rubbed the back of his neck. Steph was right—he’d seen for himself how well the shop was doing. If he stopped sending them money, it would hardly make a difference. And this time at home again was starting to really show him what he’d been giving up, the warmth of family around him.

  He glanced at his phone for the time. “Matty and the girls are coming to pick me up soon for Santa’s Village.” The next town over had an elaborate Santa’s workshop display. He remembered it from when he was a kid, a multiple-room setup, where animatronic elves lived their day-to-day lives. As you proceeded from room to room, the children could watch the elves sleep in their barracks-like bedroom, eat their communal meals at long tables in the next display, and even attend toy-making classes in a North Pole classroom.

  The finale of the tour was the toy factory. The ceiling soared and shelves of toys reached the rafters as the animated figures hammered and stitched and boxed a cornucopia of childhood wishes. Seb remembered wishing there’d been a way through the glass barrier. He’d think of ways to stack boxes and chairs to reach the upper shelves. Dad had laughed at him and said to tell Santa what he wanted. Somehow that didn’t seem as much fun as being able to climb up and snatch a toy away.

  Smiling, he said, “I loved that place as a kid.”

  “It hasn’t changed a bit. The elves are still as creepy as fuck.”

  “Steph!” He couldn’t help but look around even though he knew the girls were still home with Matty.

  She raised a brow. “You know that’s true. It’s just that kids don’t see it that way.”

  Chuckling, Seb said, “I don’t remember them as creepy. And I’m supposed to be the Scrooge in the family.”

  “You’ll see.” She leaned closer and whispered, “Devil eyes.”

  A familiar blue Jeep pulled up in front of the shop and Seb eyed it for several moments, brows drawn. “How does he explain the car seats when he doesn’t have children?”

  Stephanie was reading something on her phone and shoved it back in her pocket with a near grimace. She looked out the shop window and her expression melted, affection turning her eyes a sparkling blue. “Matt is as much a father to the girls as Ryan. Maybe even more.” She turned her gaze at Seb. “He’s not the same as the flighty boy you knew.”

  There was no way to interpret her fierce stare as anything but a warning, and Seb felt like the floor was tipping because she magnified his hesitation about allowing himself to be with Matty tenfold.

  “OH my God, she’s right. They are creepy as fu… um, fudge.”

  Matty’s laugh echoed, bark-like, in the narrow space. “Can’t deny that.” He pointed. “That one is clearly an ax murderer.”

  “What’s an ax murmur, Unc Matt?”

  Squeezing Rowen’s hand, Matty sputtered, “I meant that he uses tools to make the toys. See the hammer in his hand?”

  She nodded and Chance looked up at them with a knowing smirk. “Mom says that.”

  “Yeah, well, your mom is a menace.”

  Attempting distraction, Seb asked, “What are you going to ask Santa to bring you?”

  Rowen shot him a disgusted look. “Can’t tell or he don’t bring it.”

  “Doesn’t,” Seb said automatically, catching Matty’s amused eyes.

  He looked at Matty and mouthed, “Then how do we know—”

  “Would you like Uncle Seb to help this year with your letters?” He winked at Seb. “Santa hears so many requests it’s hard to remember them all. So we write him a letter and mail it to his North Pole workshop.”

  “Some kids ask for something they can’t use. Like a live zebra or a real castle. Santa figures it all out.” Chance’s big sister voice was in full force.

  “I want a real castle.”

  “What would you do with a big musty castle, Row?” Matty asked.

  “Live in it.” She bit her lower lip in thought. “With Mommy and Grandma and Unc Matt.” She glanced at her sister. “And Unc Seb.”

  Chance nodded and added, “And Daddy.”

  The mention of Ryan stilled the air and Seb glanced at Matty, noting a tightening around his eyes. When he caught Seb looking, he whipped his head away, eyes darting around like Steph used to do when accused of using the last of the toilet paper and not replacing the roll.

  They reached the entrance to Santa’s study, and Seb tabled his questions for later. The jolly old man was wearing as good a costume as Seb had seen in years. Plush red velvet with snowy collar and cuffs. The padding seemed real as did the natural rosy tinge to his cheeks.

  Seb couldn’t help himself. “Guy looks like he likes one too many cocktails before dinner.”

  A scurrilous Matty faced him only to stop and smile when he caught the humor in Seb’s eyes. He leaned in. “You know, other things can turn a man’s face red like that, and he did just come back from break.”

  Seb nearly swallowed his tongue and Matty laughed uproariously when Chance asked what was funny.

  The girls walked together, with Rowen slowing her pace before Chance straightened her spine and tugged her sister’s arm. Santa hoisted each up on one knee and bellowed an authentic laugh that made his stomach jiggle. Seb stood a few paces away with Matty. He couldn’t hear what the girls were saying over the piped holiday music. That song started, and Matty met his eyes with a sparkle.

  “This place hasn’t changed,” Seb said to get the subject off of roasting nuts.

  “Yep. That’s what Steph says.”

  Seb’s brows shot up. “Wait. You didn’t come here as a kid? It was such a ritual. Everyone I knew was dragged here.”

  Matty ki
cked his heel against the concrete floor before shoving his hands in his jacket pockets. “Nah. My folks didn’t go in for that sort of thing.”

  “You didn’t visit Santa?”

  “One year they took me to New York City and we visited Macy’s. But the line was long so we did the pass-by thing.” Seb stared at him. “There are two lines, one on the inside, where you wait to get your turn with Santa, and a second queue running along outside the first, so you can pass by and see Santa but you don’t stop to talk to him.”

  Seb saw the girls accepting red paper gift bags with candy canes sticking out the top. He remembered the thrill of the little gifts everyone got when they finished visiting Santa. Usually a tiny plastic car or whistle and some candy. Once he got a top and got in trouble for playing with it in the kitchen where it somehow got lodged under the stove. He wondered if it was still there.

  Those feelings of simple joy had disappeared over time and distance. The holidays had become a task, fulfilling the fantasies of wealthy business people to impress, substituting faux glitter for actual shine.

  Matty squeezed his arm. “Hey, they’re done.”

  Startled, he saw Chance and Rowen looking up at him, clutching their bags to their chests. Brows drawn together, Matty cocked his head to regard him.

  “Sorry.” He held a hand out and Chance took it while Rowen clutched on to Matty.

  Matty stopped to help Rowen zipper her coat before the exit. Taking the cue Seb bent to assist Chance, who gave him a look that made him think of Steph as she took care of it herself.

  In the car, the girls spilled their loot out on the back seat. A mini yo-yo poured out of each bag along with an assortment of small holiday-themed erasers and the candy cane.

  Matty beamed as if he were six himself. “Cool, those are so neat. Let me see.” He held up the tiny snowman, evergreen, and gingerbread house erasers. After a moment he lowered his head to eye level with Rowen in her car seat. “Row, remember, not in your mouth, okay?”